The Harris Harlot Album
by Meredith A. Jones
Summary: A Short Story With An Unlikely Situation. Scout walks on Jem while he's looking at, well, unsuitable photographs. Boredfic, more than anything. Read and review!


The Harris Harlot Album  
A Short Story With An Unlikely Situation by: Meredith A. Jones

Author's Note: I have no idea why I decided to write this. I wrote it just after I finished Boo and Scout. If you want something worthwhile to read, read that. But - read this first, I'd like to know opinions on it. Before you do, though, be informed - I absolutely _loved _To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm not someone who comes on here and makes fun of and trashes the book. I just had a funky humorous idea and felt like writing it. I do have some Jem/Dill slash that my friend and I wrote...but...I'm not posting any of that. So, without further adieu -

OoOoO

Atticus called the children to bed at nine that night. It was summer, so it was okay to let the two stay up a half an hour later. Jem left dinner hurriedly, and went into his room, then, shutting the door behind him. Scout finished her own dinner, and went to say goodnight to him, but Atticus stopped her when she reached the hall.

"Scout?"

"Yeah, Atticus?"

"Did you brush your teeth, young lady?"

"Oh...no, sir."

"Well, run along. Then, you can go say goodnight to Jem."

"Yes, sir." Scout hopped up the stairs and to the bathroom, grabbed her toothbrush, and began to brush her teeth without water or toothpaste, so it wouldn't take as long. When she finished, she rushed back into the hallway, shouted to Atticus that she was done, and opened Jem's door without knocking. He was laying on his bed on his stomach with his pillow in front of him and a pile of black and white pictures on top of it. When Scout entered, he shoved them underneath the pillow, and his head snapped up to look at his sister, his face quickly fading from surprise and fear, to anger.

"Scout! Get out of here! Why aren't you in bed yet?" he shouted.

"I was just coming to say goodnight!" Scout whined, backing up to the door.

"Well, goodnight! Now, get out!" Scout bit her lip, and looked at the pillow. "What are you waiting for, Scout? Get goin'!"

But Scout didn't leave. Instead, she tilted her head and became curious. "What are you bein' so secretive about, Jeremy Atticus Finch?"

"What are you talkin' about, secretive?"

"You know what I'm talkin' about, Jem. What's under that pillow?"

"None'a your business," Jem muttered, looking at it, his hand still frozen underneath.

"Come on, Jem, you can trust me. What do you have?"

"Nothin', Scout. Can you just get out?"

"Come on, Jem! I won't tell Atticus! I promise I won't!

Jem squirmed a bit. "Close the door, Scout."

Scout smiled, quite proud of herself, closed the door behind her, then went and knelt at the foot of her brother's bed, her eyes on the pillow in front of her. Jem stared at his little sister at a long time, then pulled the papers out and set them face down on top of it. Scout looked at them for a moment, then up at Jem.

"Well, turn it over," he said.

"All of 'em?"

"Don't matter."

Scout licked her lips, making her choice, then flipped over the one on top slowly. When she saw what was on the paper, her eyes grew as big as pool balls.

"Jeremy Atticus Finch!"

Jem immediately snatched the entire pile of inappropriate photographs away, and shoved them into the drawer next to his bed.

"What are you lookin' at that stuff for? Where'd you get it from?"

"Dill."

"Dill!"

"Yeah, Dill."

"Well, where'd he get it from?"

"I dunno, he didn't - "

"_Psst!_" Scout and Jem looked at the window, and the girl's face turned angry.

"Charles Baker Harris!" she said loudly, went to the window, and spat right on the ground next to him. He gasped, and tumbled out of the way, then looked up to see her wipe her mouth with her sleeve, and look back at him sternly. She stepped aside to let him climb in the window, and as soon as his left foot met the floor, shoved him down on the bed.

"What are you doin' givin' Jem stuff like that!"

"Stuff like - Jem! You went and showed your little sister!"

"She buggered me!"

"I don't care if the Prince'a Spain buggered you! It was hard gettin' those, and what if she tells Atticus!"

"She promised she wouldn't tell him!" The two boys looked at Scout.

"You won't, right, Scout?"

Scout stood, staring at the two, then ran at the door.

"Damn it, Scout!" Jem growled, and rolled off of his bed, just as she turned the knob and swung open the door.

"Atticus! _Atticus! _I got somethin' to tell ya!"

"SCOUT! SCOUT, NO!" Jem shouted. He and Dill ran at her, tackled her, and fought to hold her down. But the damage was done. Atticus stood from his chair, set his paper down, and went upstairs to the hall.

"Atticus! Jem's got - "

"SCOUT!"

"He's got naked pictures'a women, Atticus!"

"_SCOUT!_" Jem cried desperately. He and Dill stopped wrestling Scout, and she stopped fighting. All three looked up at Atticus, finding that he didn't look at all angry. Instead, he was indifferent. He told Jem to come with him to the living room and sat him down on the couch.

"Where are they, son?" Atticus whispered, after looking around them carefully. Jem, now completely confused, got up, went into his room, dug them out from under the pillow, and went back to the living room to hand them to his father. Atticus cleared his throat, adjusted his glasses, and began to flip through them. He nodded and raised his eyebrows at different heights as he went - and...as he finished with each, he ripped them in half and let them fall on the floor. When he was finished, he looked at all the random breasts and lips and eyes littering the carpet, and just continued to nod. He looked up at Jem finally and licked his lips.

"Get upstairs and go to bed. And tell Dill something. Next time he gets ahold of some of those, tell him to give them to me first, and I'll decide on which ones I'd like to share with you."

Jem stared at Atticus a while, got up from the couch, and slowly made his way back to his bedroom, more confused that he had ever been in his entire life.

Author's Note: I have no idea what Atticus really thinks of it, if I want him to be kidding, or if he's being serious. It confuses me just as much as it might confuse you, or Jem. Do review, please!


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